Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
