What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
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