Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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