i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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