The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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