nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
