My room smells like vodka and shame
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Randomize
