I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
