Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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