I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I want a musical about memes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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