Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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