I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
you never un-have a 4some
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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