As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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