Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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