this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize