Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
