His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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