There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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