Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
