It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
