how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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