sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
