listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
