he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
