just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
