We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Randomize
