PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
