All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I think I won the penis lottery.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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