Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
