butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize