The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
