i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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