just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
