sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize