First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize