Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
fuck your aforementioned shoe
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
