How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
