the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
