slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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