Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
