Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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