who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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