You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The Olympian is in my bed
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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