I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
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