so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
