She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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