People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
