How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
