The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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