fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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