thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
