all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
What drink are we having for lunch?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
