that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
