Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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