All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Randomize
