thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
