If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
