Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
