Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if only i could text you this smell
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
