how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
