i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
