Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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