Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
