I haven't been this sober since birth.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
