i wish starbucks made bloody marys
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
