i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
did i walk over a car last night?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
