i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
