i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
