Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
