After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
