Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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