porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
