you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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