i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
