finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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