if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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