Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize