i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
