Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize