I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
