she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Acid is not a monday night drug
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
