Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
