when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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