what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
