tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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