My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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