she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
