I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
