THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She bit a glass in half.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
