Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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