I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so that wasnt chicken after all
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
