Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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