I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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