I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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