he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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