There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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