That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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