I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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