I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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