You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
