It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
