I wish I could punch you in the face.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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