How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
