Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
