Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
