Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
