then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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