I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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